Nuts and Bolts in Coffee

Without any introduction, here is a set of edits from first to last on the 'Coffee Maker' text.

[Original]
My coffee maker is great. It's a combination of a coffee maker and a thermos flask. THat means that I can make a single pot in the mornign and have hot coffee all day. Th e coffee maker was invented by Laurens (first name?) in France in (when) and the theromos by some Scottish guy in the late 1890s. Pyrex invented glass atht is resitant to heat in the 1930s and if you put these together , you cna have a thermos-coffee pot. This machinge, invention is great for lazy poeple like me.

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Remembering the unit mandate helps to focus the framing of the edit:

This is the task outline that appears just before the text.
・present tense for habit, relative pronouns
・Choose an object.
・Say why this object is important to you. Say this in one sentence.
・Talk about its history.
・Talk about how you use it.

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The figures after each text refer to the word length and Greenfield's ELT readability formula. Writing to a formula cannot be recommended, but forcing an edit to reflect changes imposes a discipline that informs the edit. Greenfield's formula remains, in my opinion, a most accurate tool for gauging comprehensibility for Japanese students.

[Starting text to include the task outline]

I chose a coffee maker that is also a flask. A flask is a bottle that keeps water hot for a long time. I make one big pot of coffee that stays warm and lasts all day. The first coffee maker was invented by Laurens in France in 1818. Coffee makers are machines that have three parts. One part is for the cold water, another for the coffee beans and another for the hot coffee. Coffee makers have two problems. If glass gets too hot, it breaks. And if you leave coffee on a heater for a long time, it tastes bad. Pyrex invented glass that can stand heat in 1916. Dewar invented the flask in 1892. Put these together to get a coffee maker that keeps coffee hot and tasty all day. This invention is great for lazy people like me! (142 / 68.9)

[Unnecessary word deletion]

I chose a coffee maker flask. A flask is a bottle that keeps water hot for a long time. I make one big pot of coffee that stays warm all day. The coffee maker was invented by Laurens in France in 1818. Coffee makers have three parts; one for the cold water, another for the beans and another for the hot coffee. They have two problems. If glass gets too hot, it breaks. If you leave coffee on a heater for a long time, it tastes bad. Pyrex invented glass that can stand heat in 1916. Dewar invented the flask in 1892. Put these together to get a coffee maker that keeps coffee hot and tasty all day. This invention is great for lazy people like me! (127 / 69.6)

[Clarification of last 2 sentences]

...Now there is a coffee maker that keeps coffee hot and tasty all day. This invention is great for lazy people like me who drink coffee all day! (129 / 71.1)

[Altered sentence structure of the ‘three parts’]

...They have three parts; one each for the cold water, the beans and the hot coffee. ...(124 / 71.9)

[Adjusting the ‘if’ parts]

...If the glass gets too hot, it breaks. Pyrex invented glass that can stand heat in 1916. If you heat coffee for too long, it tastes bad. ...(119 / 71.0)

[Sentence reordering and word deletion through sentence structure alteration to reach 'final' version]

I chose my coffee maker flask. I can make one big pot of coffee that stays warm and tasty all day. Laurens invented coffee makers in France in 1818. They have three parts; for cold water, beans and a glass pot for hot coffee. If glass gets too hot, it breaks. In 1916, Pyrex invented glass that can get hot. If you heat coffee for too long, it tastes bad. In 1892, Dewar invented bottles called flasks that keep water hot for a long time. My coffee maker is great for lazy people like me who drink coffee all day! (100 / 68.5)

At 100 words and 68.5, this text is seven words longer than the previous unit's and is 1.2 points higher in difficulty. Seven words represents an acceptable (to me) deviation on text length.

At a more crucial level, the question of why (indeed if) the final version is more readable, better, comprehensible must be addressed. That is the topic of a future blog.